Alas, the stars may not come out in number at the long-awaited trial of Anthony Pellicano, known throughout the media as “the private eye to the stars.”

You’re in trouble. You want a lawyer. And not just any lawyer. You want a scary lawyer. Pick up the phone and call Bertram “Bert” Fields, who is known as “L.A.’s scariest lawyer.”

The cushioned exit of Stan O’Neal as CEO of Merrill Lynch & Co. this week was proof again that nothing succeeds at the top levels of business like not succeeding.

O’Neal is to receive a reported $161.5 million in stock options and retirement benefits. He was ushered out because he had lost favor with his board after announcing that the company had a $2.24 billion quarterly loss.

While $161.5 million seems like enough to get by on, it doesn’t equal amounts received by other dismissed executives.

The ongoing federal investigation of private eye Anthony Pellicano is revealing connections that many Hollywood celebs would prefer to keep quiet.

More than a dozen people have been arrested, and Pellicano is in jail, awaiting trial on charges of bribery, conspiracy, racketeering and illegal wiretapping.

Entertainment moguls and other elites have sought Pellicano’s skills over the years. His client list included former Disney chief Michael Ovitz, rock star Courtney Love and attorney Bert Fields.

It remains to be seen whether this case will establish itself as one of Tinseltown’s great scandals. A federal judge recently postponed Pellicano’s trial until 2008.