You’re in trouble. You want a lawyer. And not just any lawyer. You want a scary lawyer. Pick up the phone and call Bertram “Bert” Fields, who is known as “L.A.’s scariest lawyer.”

Judith Regan may have published a book with no last chapter. It doesn’t make for good reading, but it would seem worth her while.

It can be hard to measure the size of someone’s ego. But not that of venture capitalist Tom Perkins.

His ego measures precisely 289.1 feet long and is named the Maltese Falcon, a new class of super yacht.

Perkins co-founded in 1972 what is now Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers, one of the most successful VC firms in the world. At one point, Perkins was a director of 14 portfolio companies, three of which he chaired and which were traded on the New York Stock Exchange.

There’s no question that the $100 million defamation lawsuit filed Tuesday by former books publisher Judith Regan has news value.

But the 70-page complaint also has literary value, as well.

Though it’s bogged down in places with legal terms, it’s still a Judith Regan style page-turner, complete with scenes of betrayal, confrontation and deception.