Maybe one day soon, the voice of your car’s GPS system will sound like a confused bum gargling marbles.

They loved the movie, now they’re buying the book.

As top-talent chefs become increasingly irrelevant in the Food Network’s dumbed-down schedule, displaced members of the old guard are finding entirely different landing places.

It may be the world’s most connected graveyard.

The brilliant, bizarre, controversial and tragic little boy who never grew up was one of the greatest and most unique talents who ever lived.

It took a very fat paycheck to lure actor Harrison Ford out of semi-retirement to star in last year’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Actor David Carradine, whose body was found hanging in a closet of his Bangkok hotel room on June 4, did not commit suicide, according to celebrity pathologist Michael Baden.

She is the world’s most famous celebrity photographer, whose trademark images include the naked and very pregnant Demi Moore for Vanity Fair and a bare-armed First Lady Michelle Obama for Vogue. For all her plaudits, though, Leibovitz was broke.

When Carrie Fisher’s teenaged daughter began flirting with Elizabeth Taylor’s grandson, Fisher decided it was time to chart family relationships.

A sign in Paul Newman’s Westport Conn. offices famously read: “If I had a plan, I would be screwed.”

It turns out the real life of the actor who plays The Dark Knight is, well, dark.

The rumors about Madonna and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez beg for a Muckety map. A-Rod and his wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, are separating, according to the New York Daily News. The split comes amidst infidelity rumors concerning both parties.

Nonprofits, no matter how serious their mission, understand that famous names attract money, connections and high attendance at organization events.

Sex, money and marital dysfunction: It’s all there in the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce settlement, splayed out in 58 revelatory pages that read more like a British tabloid story than a legal decision.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice are only the latest of a long list of Americans who have reached out to besieged Tibetans.

Cascadilla Creek cuts through one of Ithaca, New York’s famously gorgeous gorges and then moseys through residential downtown. On its northern bank, as it passes under North Aurora Street, sits a large, slate-roofed, circa-1913 house. In the 1970s it was Teen Challenge, a faith-based drug treatment center. Then, it passed into the hands of the Sherman family (including this writer), who sold it to an architect, who sold it, indirectly to the Dalai Lama.

A five-year legal fight over the use of the Beach Boys’ name has been settled amicably, paving the way for a possible reunion by the surviving members of the California surf-sound group.

About to enter into its third week, the Anthony Pellicano trial isn’t living up to its advance reviews.

Keith Richards

Keith Richards is the new face of Louis Vuitton.

The 64-year-old Richards appeared in his first fashion endorsement on London billboards on Tuesday. Print ads featuring Richards will hit U.S. magazines in March.

Photographed by Annie Leibovitz, the ad shows a haggard looking Richards sitting in a dimly lit hotel room, with a guitar and a Louis Vuitton luggage case. The caption reads, “Some journeys cannot be put into words.”

Alas, the stars may not come out in number at the long-awaited trial of Anthony Pellicano, known throughout the media as “the private eye to the stars.”